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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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We start chatting about the Danube, how it flows nearby. I mean, the river is a treasure trove for an ichthyologist like me. I’m all hyped up, talking about the fish I’ve seen—like the Zander and the Catfish. But Ion’s like, “Nah, man, you gotta check out the Carp here!” I roll my eyes, but I’m secretly intrigued.

Coronavirus in Romania: The city with most Covid-19 cases in Romania placed under lockdown